You want your child to learn something, whether it’s learning to clean their room, abide by the house rules even when they don’t want to, or come home on time each night. Remember, you’re giving your child a consequence because you want them to change what they’re currently doing. Tie Your Consequences to a Specific Behavior Below are some of our most effective tips when dealing with a child who won’t listen or doesn’t seem to care. Keep in mind that parenting is a work in progress, and we want to keep looking for what’s effective. So here’s the thing: if you’ve come to a place where you’ve taken almost everything away, and it’s still not working, know that trying a different approach can change the whole dynamic in your family. Once kids feel like there’s no way they can get their stuff back, it’s almost like their best “defense” is to stop caring.Īnd as a parent, there is nothing more frustrating than working up a consequence, only to hear your child tell you they don’t care about what you’ve taken away. It becomes a game, a deeply entrenched power struggle, rather than an effective parenting tool. If they’ve lost access to their Xbox for six months, what good is behaving better today?īy stacking your consequences, you remove any impetus for your child to change. Think of it this way: if everything is taken away and there’s no chance of earning anything back anytime soon, why would they bother to try? In addition, when you stack up too many consequences or ground your kid indefinitely, they see this as a hole from which they will never escape so they stop trying and stop caring as a natural reaction. James goes on to say that “stacking” consequences-adding one after another-only teaches a child to “do time,” and simply wait out his consequences rather than actually follow any rules or change behavior. So while it’s certainly tempting, taking everything away from your child is unlikely to be effective in changing behavior. James Lehman in The Total Transformation® Program tells us that you can’t punish a kid into better behavior.
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